House Sales or How Not to Sell Your House

So, we didn't get the house in OH. We were outbid by a cash offer.
Those stinkers.  Sigh......

Tonight, Hubster is looking at another house that just came on the market. Looks nice from the listings but you never know until you get there what it really looks like. (Although, in the case of OUR real estate pics, what you see is what you get. We worked hard on this house and it shows. Booyah!)
I was amazed at the condition of some of the houses we saw. From pristine to what the heck were they thinking to I don't want to touch anything in here because I'm afraid of what I'll catch.
I thought it'd be fun to think about all we've seen so I've made the following list:

How Not to Sell Your House:

-Don't answer the door in your pajamas (and for heaven's sake, please, please wear a robe if you do!) after confirming with the real estate agent that yes, they can view your house. I do not need to know that Scooby Doo briefs are best left to little boys and not grown men.
-Don't think that a bathroom totally lined with mirrors is an attractive feature. Yes, I mean every square inch of the walls and the ceiling. I must admit, though, the mirrors were completely spotless, not even one little fingerprint. Well, except for the one little spot I couldn't resist touching.
-Lingerie does not make a good bathroom decoration unless you're in a Hustler photo shoot.
-If your house has a spot in the middle of the main entrance floor that is filled with cedar shavings and potted plants literally embedded in the floor, it dates your house (hello 1970s) and the cedar gives it a funky smell. Notice I said funky and not attractive.
-If you redo your kitchen and spend mucho dinero on it, do not use old laminate cupboards from the early 80's that are falling off the hinges and expect buyers to be impressed with the mostly newly remodeled room.
-Curb appeal is important. If you cannot walk on the entryway to your house because of all the jungle plants that have overtaken it and the buyers have to wade through the mulch/grass/whatever to get inside, it's not a good first impression.
-If you happen to have a urinal in your house, CLEAN IT!!!!! That's all I'm sayin...
-I do not care if you have a glass egg collection that take 4 hutches to show off all of them. I would really rather see the room and not your crap.
-If your carpet is worn threadbare, has numerous spots and a suspicious smell, don't claim the carpet as one of the 'amenities'.
-Do tell me the square footage of your house. I am immediately suspicious when it's not listed.
-If someone taller than 5'8" cannot fit under the ceiling fans and/or light fixtures in your house? Consider removing them or they can cause some very hurtful bruises (and possibly a haircut). Sorry about that, Hubster.
-If you think the smells in your house are nasty, trust me, they ARE!! 
-If you are selling your house, be willing to have a showing. We had one house that we requested to see more than once and the sellers were never willing to let us in unless we scheduled a week in advance. Weird. Also, on a similar note, I do not need to hear your life's story if you are present at the showing. Including how much your 'witch of an ex' is...that's just too much information and frankly, I just don't care.
-Do not be present when I view the house. Even if you're outside on the porch smoking a cigarette, it's still distracting and it's bad for you. Shame on you for smoking, not to mention it makes me sniff everything to see if I smell smoke in the house.
 But, especially, do not leave Grandma in the house to 'chat' with us on our tour and have her tell us all the wonderful things about the house including all her favorite memories and the warning 'Don't even think about including that refrigerator in your offer because I am the one who bought it and it's going with me.' Thank you very little, Grandma.  Course, if you happen to have a 10 year old boy with you when you view said house? Sacrafice him for the cause and make him stay and talk with said Grandma so you have a few minutes peace in which to view the house. Sorry about that, S!
-If the basement is growing mold, don't try and tell me that you've never had problems with (a)flooding (because pretty much every house we saw flooded in 2006 due to some ungodly rains and sewage backup which has been fixed by the city. The backup I mean.) or (b)water seepage. I mean, really, I can smell the mildew and see the mold practically multiplying. Eeeeeuuuuu.

-A clean smelling house is worth 10,000 glade air fresheners. I love the fresheners as much as the next person but putting them over stinky......well, that's just putrid. (Sidenote: One of C's favorite words that she learned this year? putrid!)

And so, this concludes Anne's house selling pointers.
Hope you enjoyed them. I'm sure I'll have more before too long.
Scratch that.
I hope I have no more to share because we will have found our dream house and have an accepted offer.
The End.