It's Just Food

At Weight Watchers this past Saturday, I was struggling. My weight loss journey/battle has once again taken a big surge to the uphill, much harder to make it, into the wind- kind of weight loss. And, frankly, it sucks. I really hate that it's this hard.
As usual, they did the stars and awards portion at the end of WW. One lady lost 5 lbs (you get a star for every 5 lbs you lose) and the substitute leader asked her for any tips.
"Well," she said, "it's really pretty easy."
"Oh?" said the leader, "Would you care to share how this works for you?"
"Simple" 5 lb-er replied "it's only food. That's all you have to understand. It's just a little bit of food, you can wait till the next meal or snack for more".
The leader hesitated and quite frankly, I was shotting daggers at the woman with my eyes (ever so politely, of course, I am a lady after all).
5 lb-er continued, "I mean, why is food so important. I've been her a whole 2 weeks already and I"ve already lost 5 lbs!!"
Well, just bully for you, 5 pounder. You could almost hear the groans in the room and I know a few people were rolling their eyes (of course, not me. No, I was simply wishing a big ol' weight gain for her this week. Petty, I know, but I felt better).  The other part of me was thinking, really, good for you for losing those 5 lbs but honey, you truly don't get it. I lost 5 lb the first couple weeks too, that was the easy part.
The comments that 5 lb-er made really bothered me and stayed with me all week. I thought about them, pondered them, stewed about them. Let them eat at me and poke me and prod me to consider why did those little words "it's just food" get to me so much??? (I just noticed how many times I refer to food terms-stew, eat, etc. Guess I'm just making my point all the more)
Well, because for me, it's not just food, it's ALL about the food. It's about how many points things are, it's about knowing the amount of protein I'm eating, it's having my treats in moderation, it's about journaling each and every bite that hits my mouth (apparently, I need a little more honesty in the last category based on recent scale figures). It's about figuring out how I can make this a live-able, do-able, life long endeavor. It's about knowing how to indulge and not pay the piper for the next 2 weeks (or more). It's about being healthy, living longer, enjoying my life more. It's about control. 
I have not gotten to the point where I can say 'it's just food'. I fight the scale each and every day of my life and it's so difficult.  I wish I could celebrate 5 lb-er and her weight loss but I'm bitter. I'm mad that I let my weight get this far out of hand and I hate that losing it now takes so much effort.
But, I'm learning. I weigh less now than I did a year ago (not tons, but less). I make better choices, I exercise more. I don't know that I will ever get to the point where it's easy but I'm making the journey, one little step at a time.
It might be 'just food' ;but,  for me, I really want it to be 'just living'.
The journey continues....