Are You Serious?!

Yesterday afternoon, my doorbell rang. I went to answer and saw 2 cute girls outside. They were about 13 or so. One was holding a box of candy bars and said "Would you like to buy a candy bar? I'm selling them to help pay for my Washington DC trip in the Spring."  The girls were just too cute.
"Just a minute, I'll be right back" I said.
I went into the house and grabbed a dollar. Went back to the door and asked the girl "Which candy bar is your favorite?"
She looked and debated and then said "Snickers. Snickers are definitely my favorite."
I handed her the dollar and said "Now, here's the deal. Here's my dollar but you can have the Snickers bar."
Her mouth dropped open and she said "Really?? Are you serious??"
"Yep" I replied (apparently seeing her delight made me especially verbose, not!)
"Lucky!" her friend said.
The first girl was beaming. "Thanks! Thanks! Just thanks!!"
"Enjoy your candy and good luck with your sales" I told her.
The girls literally skipped down the sidewalk.
Now, as much fun as it was to surprise this girl, I really did this for myself. You see, S was just selling candy bars for Boy Scouts. He sold about half a box and the rest just sat here. Calling my name, smelling delicious. Saying "Annnnnneeee, come eat me. You know you want to. You can do it. Besides, you'll be supporting the Boy Scouts, it's a good cause. You deserve it. You had a good day (or bad day depending). I am sooo luscious, full of chocolatey goodness." It was really tough to resist.
So when the Boy Scout leader asked if anyone had any candy left because people at her office were begging for some, I gladly (well, mostly gladly) handed the half box over to her.
So, when the girls came to the door, I knew I could not have another temptation sitting in this house. I knew I would be buying a bar but really did not want it in the house.
A small victory, but I'll take it.
Best decision I've made this week.

The Biggest Loser

Oh joy of joys, a new season of Biggest Loser has started! I am, well, slightly obsessed with this show. But I really enjoy watching it. Especially the 'where are they now' ones. Anyway, back to last night. The show was starting and C came downstairs after putting on her jammies. "Ooooo, Mama, The Biggest Loser, I love that show!" Now, she only watches the first 10-15 minutes of this show but I guess she likes it.
"Really? Are you sure you like it or do you just watch it cause I have it on?" I asked.
"Oh, I really like it. Say, hey, would you like to lose weight?" C said.
"Well, yes, I'd like to lose some weight and be healthier" I replied, thinking Little Girl, you are treading into some shaky territory, watch it. You may only be 6, but I can take you down!
"Oh, is that why you go to the Weight Watcher meetings?" C asked.
"Yes," I was really wondering where this conversation was going.
"Well, I heard you tell Daddy" (this is where my heart drops, crap, what conversation did she overhear now?) "and you said that you didn't want to make separate food for us kids then what you eat. Well, I have a great idea, maybe you could make all those healthier things for me & S and we'll all eat the same things, cause we need to be healthy too!" C was quite proud of herself.
"That's a good idea, but it's what I already do" I said.
"Oh, you mean we eat healthy stuff?" C asked.
"All the time" I replied.
"Hmmmmm...." C said, "I guess that's not so bad then. And some of your food even tastes pretty good."
I just said "Thank you."
Some of my food, not all, but just some, mind you.
Somedays I just can't win.

It's Just Food

At Weight Watchers this past Saturday, I was struggling. My weight loss journey/battle has once again taken a big surge to the uphill, much harder to make it, into the wind- kind of weight loss. And, frankly, it sucks. I really hate that it's this hard.
As usual, they did the stars and awards portion at the end of WW. One lady lost 5 lbs (you get a star for every 5 lbs you lose) and the substitute leader asked her for any tips.
"Well," she said, "it's really pretty easy."
"Oh?" said the leader, "Would you care to share how this works for you?"
"Simple" 5 lb-er replied "it's only food. That's all you have to understand. It's just a little bit of food, you can wait till the next meal or snack for more".
The leader hesitated and quite frankly, I was shotting daggers at the woman with my eyes (ever so politely, of course, I am a lady after all).
5 lb-er continued, "I mean, why is food so important. I've been her a whole 2 weeks already and I"ve already lost 5 lbs!!"
Well, just bully for you, 5 pounder. You could almost hear the groans in the room and I know a few people were rolling their eyes (of course, not me. No, I was simply wishing a big ol' weight gain for her this week. Petty, I know, but I felt better).  The other part of me was thinking, really, good for you for losing those 5 lbs but honey, you truly don't get it. I lost 5 lb the first couple weeks too, that was the easy part.
The comments that 5 lb-er made really bothered me and stayed with me all week. I thought about them, pondered them, stewed about them. Let them eat at me and poke me and prod me to consider why did those little words "it's just food" get to me so much??? (I just noticed how many times I refer to food terms-stew, eat, etc. Guess I'm just making my point all the more)
Well, because for me, it's not just food, it's ALL about the food. It's about how many points things are, it's about knowing the amount of protein I'm eating, it's having my treats in moderation, it's about journaling each and every bite that hits my mouth (apparently, I need a little more honesty in the last category based on recent scale figures). It's about figuring out how I can make this a live-able, do-able, life long endeavor. It's about knowing how to indulge and not pay the piper for the next 2 weeks (or more). It's about being healthy, living longer, enjoying my life more. It's about control. 
I have not gotten to the point where I can say 'it's just food'. I fight the scale each and every day of my life and it's so difficult.  I wish I could celebrate 5 lb-er and her weight loss but I'm bitter. I'm mad that I let my weight get this far out of hand and I hate that losing it now takes so much effort.
But, I'm learning. I weigh less now than I did a year ago (not tons, but less). I make better choices, I exercise more. I don't know that I will ever get to the point where it's easy but I'm making the journey, one little step at a time.
It might be 'just food' ;but,  for me, I really want it to be 'just living'.
The journey continues....

Rock Around the Block

At Weight Watchers, we talk a lot about different topics and we talk about anchors, those things that help us, ground us, give us some inspiration. This week, our topic was about moving more. Not being one to love exercise (shocking to learn that about me, hey?!), I liked the topic. Didn't help me figure out what exercise I will learn to like but oh well.
Anyway, to get us started, our leader gave us each a wooden block and told us that when we get stuck and don't know what to do, just put the block down, walk in a perfect square around it and then think "There, I just walked around the block. Now what can I do?"

I thought it was cute and patiently waited for my turn to pick out my block from the box.

I, of course, chose a red block. Not with an 'A' on it, unfortunately, but at least it was red.

And then.

And then, I turned it over.

At Weight Watchers.

Where I struggle with weight loss.

Where I go for support.

And this, this is what I see:

Can you believe it????!!! A pig!

I couldn't hold it in and guffawed right out loud. One big power burst "BAH HA HA HA!" And many, many giggles after that. I think I scared the poor woman next to me. I turned to her and said "I got a pig. AT WEIGHT WATCHERS!" Hee hee hee! She was not amused and scooted just a little bit further away from me.

Truly, I think if I can laugh at this, I can find laughter anywhere.

And, I guess I needed it if only to remind me not to take myself so seriously.

Good Day

I had my weigh in today and I lost 3.4 lbs! Yeah, I hit the -17 lb mark. I didn't think I would ever get past 15, this has taken a while. I was so happy that I even ran on the treadmill at the gym today. Granted, probably slower than anyone else would call running, but I still did it. Unfortunately, there were places bouncing and things moving on me that I didn't even know existed. I'm sure it was NOT a pretty site. :) I just wiped off the sweat that was dripping and kept going. Maybe someday I really will run a 5K again.
Now, on to the -20 mark. Hoping to reach that soon!!

Update on Weight

Someone asked me recently if I met my goal of being down another 5 pounds before the end of the year. Well, technically no. Five pounds down would have beeen -15 lb total, I weighed in at -14.8 lb. I'm choosing to round up so I feel better. A woman's perogative, wouldn't you say?Which is good because I found out my Wii age is 49 and my Mii is looking mightily plump on the Wii fit. Like I didn't know how I looked, now I have a machine mocking me??? Darn good thing the trainer didn't make any sarcastic comments because my new little Wii board may have been thrown out the window, er, I mean taken a nice little break outside. Sigh, guess I better get moving on the Wii to make up that difference.
Wish I liked to exercise, it'd be much easier.

Weighing In

You know, I have a love/hate relationship with the scale. Love it when it goes down, hate it when it goes the other way. Right now, I'm ambivalent (and no, I did not do this post just to use that word, although I do reallllly like it!). So, how much do you think I can knock off before the end of the year? I so want to start 2009 successfully. I'm aiming for 5 lbs. There, I've said it. Now, who's gonna hold me accountable??