Future Generations or the Next Butt

S had a social studies assignment to rewrite the preamble to the constitution in his own words.
It was a long and arduous process, for both of us.
But, he slogged on until this part.
"Mom, this says 'for ourselves and our posterity."
"Yes, what do you think that might mean?" I asked.
"Well, I'm not exactly sure. I know posterity means 'butt' and I just can't figure out why they're talking about butts in the Constitution. Does it have something to do with the freedom to pass gas?"
"No, dear, the founding fathers were not concerned with gaseous eruptions. The word you're thinking of is posterior not posterity."

We are going out to get a dictionary this weekend.

House Sales or How Not to Sell Your House

So, we didn't get the house in OH. We were outbid by a cash offer.
Those stinkers.  Sigh......

Tonight, Hubster is looking at another house that just came on the market. Looks nice from the listings but you never know until you get there what it really looks like. (Although, in the case of OUR real estate pics, what you see is what you get. We worked hard on this house and it shows. Booyah!)
I was amazed at the condition of some of the houses we saw. From pristine to what the heck were they thinking to I don't want to touch anything in here because I'm afraid of what I'll catch.
I thought it'd be fun to think about all we've seen so I've made the following list:

How Not to Sell Your House:

-Don't answer the door in your pajamas (and for heaven's sake, please, please wear a robe if you do!) after confirming with the real estate agent that yes, they can view your house. I do not need to know that Scooby Doo briefs are best left to little boys and not grown men.
-Don't think that a bathroom totally lined with mirrors is an attractive feature. Yes, I mean every square inch of the walls and the ceiling. I must admit, though, the mirrors were completely spotless, not even one little fingerprint. Well, except for the one little spot I couldn't resist touching.
-Lingerie does not make a good bathroom decoration unless you're in a Hustler photo shoot.
-If your house has a spot in the middle of the main entrance floor that is filled with cedar shavings and potted plants literally embedded in the floor, it dates your house (hello 1970s) and the cedar gives it a funky smell. Notice I said funky and not attractive.
-If you redo your kitchen and spend mucho dinero on it, do not use old laminate cupboards from the early 80's that are falling off the hinges and expect buyers to be impressed with the mostly newly remodeled room.
-Curb appeal is important. If you cannot walk on the entryway to your house because of all the jungle plants that have overtaken it and the buyers have to wade through the mulch/grass/whatever to get inside, it's not a good first impression.
-If you happen to have a urinal in your house, CLEAN IT!!!!! That's all I'm sayin...
-I do not care if you have a glass egg collection that take 4 hutches to show off all of them. I would really rather see the room and not your crap.
-If your carpet is worn threadbare, has numerous spots and a suspicious smell, don't claim the carpet as one of the 'amenities'.
-Do tell me the square footage of your house. I am immediately suspicious when it's not listed.
-If someone taller than 5'8" cannot fit under the ceiling fans and/or light fixtures in your house? Consider removing them or they can cause some very hurtful bruises (and possibly a haircut). Sorry about that, Hubster.
-If you think the smells in your house are nasty, trust me, they ARE!! 
-If you are selling your house, be willing to have a showing. We had one house that we requested to see more than once and the sellers were never willing to let us in unless we scheduled a week in advance. Weird. Also, on a similar note, I do not need to hear your life's story if you are present at the showing. Including how much your 'witch of an ex' is...that's just too much information and frankly, I just don't care.
-Do not be present when I view the house. Even if you're outside on the porch smoking a cigarette, it's still distracting and it's bad for you. Shame on you for smoking, not to mention it makes me sniff everything to see if I smell smoke in the house.
 But, especially, do not leave Grandma in the house to 'chat' with us on our tour and have her tell us all the wonderful things about the house including all her favorite memories and the warning 'Don't even think about including that refrigerator in your offer because I am the one who bought it and it's going with me.' Thank you very little, Grandma.  Course, if you happen to have a 10 year old boy with you when you view said house? Sacrafice him for the cause and make him stay and talk with said Grandma so you have a few minutes peace in which to view the house. Sorry about that, S!
-If the basement is growing mold, don't try and tell me that you've never had problems with (a)flooding (because pretty much every house we saw flooded in 2006 due to some ungodly rains and sewage backup which has been fixed by the city. The backup I mean.) or (b)water seepage. I mean, really, I can smell the mildew and see the mold practically multiplying. Eeeeeuuuuu.

-A clean smelling house is worth 10,000 glade air fresheners. I love the fresheners as much as the next person but putting them over stinky......well, that's just putrid. (Sidenote: One of C's favorite words that she learned this year? putrid!)

And so, this concludes Anne's house selling pointers.
Hope you enjoyed them. I'm sure I'll have more before too long.
Scratch that.
I hope I have no more to share because we will have found our dream house and have an accepted offer.
The End.

Better Late than Never or I Haven't Forgotten my Blog, I've Just Been Busy

I haven't forgotten my blog, but it has been busy lately.
Let's see:
We have sold our house in Kenosha.
We spent a week in Branson MI in ungodly hot and humid temps.
I sent the children to live with Grandma & Grandpa for a week or so.
I went back to OH and looked at more houses.  In more ungodly heat and humidity.
We put an offer in on a house in OH and are waiting to hear back. Did I mention that I don't like the waiting and the unknown?
We had the house inspection here in WI and have 2 items to fix. One we knew about and another is an easy fix. Supposedly.
I made a discovery. Not only am I not the most patient person in the world, I'm not the most optimistic either. I think it's because then it's easier to not get so disappointed.
I'm really hoping we get this house in OH. We have a second choice but it's not as nice as the first one.
I'm a little scared that we'll GET the first house in OH. It might be more than we can handle (but, oh, it's so pretty and definitely in the life style to which I'd like to become accustomed).
That's about it for now.

Promises, Promises

After our last move, we promised that we would not let things slide as long in this new to us house. We were so very adament that our house would look nice and we would keep things under control and initally, we didn't do too badly. Then, I suppose, well, life just sorta took over. Oh, and don't get me started about the children.
Boy, oh boy, are we paying the price for that now.
Literally.
This week, we will have a carpenter here to fix the trim around the garage door and the side door and fix a board in the deck and replace a board on the end of one of the benches on the deck. But first, I need to paint and or prime/paint all the trim so he can use it.
Then, we will have painters in and everything except for the kids' rooms will be painted.
However, prior to this, we (meaning...me) have to take down every last little stinkin' piece of wallpaper and wash the walls. And declutter and take to storage all the crap, er, stuff that has accumulated in the house but that we can't live without but don't want anyone to see when they come tour our little abode to see if they would buy it.
That is, if we can get the relocation company to get moving and get us our interview so we can get a realtor that doesn't live 1 hour away to list our house. Seriously,  the relo company gave us a choice of realtors from Waukegan (who knew nothing about Kenosha or any of the neighborhoods or schools) to one in Brookfield who didn't even sound too sure about where Kenosha is and why someone would choose to live here.  Frustrating, to say the least.
But enough about that.
This weekend, we are off to fix what needs fixin', pretty up what needs prettying up, and trying our best to show off the rest. 
Next house, we are soooooo keeping up with things.
I promise.

Weight Loss the Easy Way

I have finally discovered the secret to losing weight. It's quite simple really.
It's called......moving.
That's right, getting ready to put your house on the market is a guaranteed weight loser. Without trying, I've taken off almost 6 lbs in the last 2 weeks.
Course, it couldn't be the constant activity, no time for snacking, healthier eating since the kids are home for the summer, smaller meals so I can eat quickly and get back to the task at hand...or anything like that.
I'll admist, it's nice to see the scale moving. But, damn, I'm tired at night.
So, this moving thing? Great for weight loss, tough on the body.

Movin' On Up

There are about to be some big changes here at our house. As in, our house will soon be on the market. Why? Well, because we are moving.  Gulp!
Yep, we're moving to Ohio. The Hubster got a new job and we will be moving lock, stock and barrel to our new home in OH. Well, technically, we'll be moving to some sort of temporary housing then to a 'real' house but at any rate, we'll be moving.
So, my posts will come as often as I can spare the time. It's been hectic lately and promises to continue to be that way for some time.
Wish me luck and pray for a quick sale!

They're Going to Take Me Away!!!!!

I think my children are out to get me.
No, seriously.
I think their goal is to slowly and methodically drive me crazy.
Take today, for example.
Me: Did you brush your teeth? (thinking, do I really need to remind you EVERY day to do this?)
S: Of course
Me: With toothpaste?
S: Ah, oh......well, maybe not. I'll just go check (note: which is code for No, I didn't do whatever you were asking but let me run and go do it now before I have more trouble)
Me: SIGH!!!!
This whole episode was preceeded by an incident last week where, after going into the bathroom to start C's shower, I couldn't find any soap.
Me: S, did you take a shower?
S: Yes.
Me: Did you use soap?
S: Wait, let me check.
Me: SSSSSS!!!!!!!
S: No. Why, is that important?
Lordy, heaven help me stay sane.
So after the toothpase incident, S comes down with a vitamin in his hand. "Mama, I found this on my bed again." We had found one earlier in the weekend and couldn't figure out how this got there. I could only conclude that someone either (a)didn't take their vitamin and tried to hide it or (b)someone got into the vitamins and took an extra one/two/three and dropped one in the process. Neither was a good option.
But, today, I noticed that this vitamin looked suspiciously like the one that C was supposed to take this morning.
So, I put it back down next to her place at the table. When C came down (S was outside riding scooter), we had a little conversation.
Me:C, don't forget to take your vitamin.
C (mouth open, looking totally astonished): Oh.....
Me: I think you forgot to take it this morning.
C: Well, let me check. (see, I told you, it's code)
Me: Let me help you with that. I know you didn't take it this morning and I know that you threw it on top of S's bed. Now, chew it up and have some water to wash it down.
Then, we had a little conversation about how imporant it was to take any medicine that we give her, how it affects our trust in her and how sick Maggie could get if she got hold of the vitamin.
Me: How many time have you done this before? (knowing I can't really believe the little rat,er I mean, girl)
C: Just twice.

So, my morning will now include doing a vitamin check of Simon's room.

See what I mean? They're out to get me, I'm sure of it.